I’m not a keen gardener but my mum loved her garden. It was her pride and joy. She loved to plant and nurture and water, and she pretty much lived in her back garden in the good weather. My dad wanted to grow vegetables but mum favoured the aesthetic over the edible.
When mum passed away, her garden became my responsibility and although part of me balked at the idea of all the deadheading, watering and pruning, mostly I saw it as an important part of honouring her memory.
Gardening has taught me so much and as someone who looks for patterns and parallels, I’ve reflected a lot on how the plants I tend to relate to human experience and wanted to share some of what I’ve been thinking about.
Cutting back for growth
There are 5 rose bushes in the garden of different varieties. Last year one in particular was huge. It was tall, broad and had such an over abundance of blooms which themselves had an excessive amount of petals that the area around the bush was always covered in a pink carpet. Just before winter my husband chopped all the rose bushes back but this one in particular quite brutally. But they have all grown back so quickly and so much more healthy looking than last year despite my fear that they wouldn’t recover for a couple of years.
Perhaps there is something in this for us as people. Sometimes our lives are full to bursting: so much to do and to think about. Perhaps a bit of pruning can allow us to grow more healthily a little way down the line. There are certain things we can’t take the shears to but identifying areas in our life where we can give ourselves a break, take a step back and create a little space, even if only for a short time, can give us opportunities for growth.
Some things take time
There are a couple of lilies in pots and 2 clematis plants that run along the fence and a climbing plant that has never flowered. The lilies looked like there was no hope for them at the start of spring; the pots looked like there was nothing in them but my neighbour told me to be patient. The clematis look like dead twigs but I know from previous experience that sometimes they look dead but grow back. I’d totally given up on the climber and was digging it today when I noticed a new shoot near the bottom of the stem. I decided to give it another chance. Maybe it just needs a little more time.
Sometimes people just need a little more time too. Time to come around to a new idea. Time to change and grow. Some people might not look like much is going on at surface level but dig deeper and they might surprise you. I’ve seen this in therapy where even a client themself might not be aware of the major growth and change taking place at root level.
Some things take root and you didn’t plant them
I’ve got a birch tree and an ash tree growing in two separate pots and I didn’t plant either of them. Maybe the seeds got blown in or a bird dropped the seeds in but whatever the reason, it wasn’t my doing. I’ve just let them grow - I don’t need the pots for anything else. Weeds also grow so easily and some of them are pretty and can serve a purpose but they weren’t intentionally planted and if left to their own devices they take up room for the plants you wanted to grow.
Some of our thoughts about ourselves were planted by external sources and we allow them to take root and grow without questioning how they got there in the first place or questioning their validity or their right to take up space within us. These are the sorts of things I have taken to therapy in the past and I’ve really benefited from being able to interrogate them in a neutral space with a skilled professional helping me through it.
Quality not quantity
The rose bushes are a marvel to me. One bush has more than 30 full blossoms while another has just 2 buds but I know that single blossom will be just as stunning as all the other ones put together. It’s just the most unreal looking red and photographs don’t do it justice.
In our lives we might think that having ‘more’ is important but sometimes the little things we have can have the most impact. Bigger is not always better and an over abundance of one thing can leave us unable to appreciate its value.
Gardening takes effort
Between the watering, feeding, planting, repotting, weeding and pruning - gardening can feel like work. But it’s worth it.
We’re worth the time and effort it takes to enable growth in the areas and directions we choose for ourselves. Patience throughout the process of change is essential for allowing ourselves to fully develop into the person we want to be.
